what to look out for

As a result, you have serious difficulties finding peace and joy in your life. Your sense of well-being, physically and mentally, may be reduced or destroyed. You might find yourself sliding into unhealthy or even self-destructive behaviours. Your persistent self-doubt leads to anxiety and depression, causing relationship problems and anger issues. You have a feeling that you do not quite know who you are. 

You may notice any (or several) of the following…

• You have become isolated from your family and friends, fearful to allow anyone to glimpse what’s really going on inside for you. 

• You have to do everything yourself, intellectualising and over-analysing to avoid your own feelings. 

• You have turned into a ‘people pleaser’ – with your big heart but a diminished sense of your own independence,beset by alack of boundaries, losing your sense of agency. 

• Your life has become one of always thinking of others first and doing your best to meet the expectations of your partner, relatives, friends, colleagues, and boss – even when this means you neglect your own needs.

• You feel driven to be a perfectionist and a superwoman or superman. You’re always on the go, hypercritical of your achievements and setting yourself unrealistic standards. You cannot allow things to be simply “good enough”. You work constantly to improve yourself, becoming a workaholic or overdoing the gym membership to cope.

• You are concerned that you are in the “wrong” relationship. You have become enmeshed, and co-dependent, losing your healthy sense of self. (Or perhaps you never have experienced a healthy sense of self?) And although you know it is currently unhealthy and not right for you, you feel confused, scared, stuck or even powerless over what to do about this.